Can time heal all wounds?

A post from my Growing through it, from Grief to Growth blog 

They say that “time heals all wounds”. This is a phrase, a cliché, a platitude that is thrown about whenever someone is experiencing a difficult situation, but is it always true? Well meaning people often say this. Some said it to me when I was newly bereaved, after the loss of my son and I just could not understand how anyone could think this, never mind say it, in relation to the loss of a child. Though perhaps I was interpreting the phrase in a very black and white fashion. I have come to know that there are many grey areas in grief, just like there are varying degrees of healing.

I thought these well meaning people were trying to tell me that my wound would completely heal with time and be gone altogether. That things would be back to normal, or as they were before. This was not, and is not, the case. The wound remains, there is no doubt about that, but it can heal to a degree. It can heal to a point where you are not as debilitated by it and even able to return to a level of functioning that, in the beginning, seems impossible.

There are certain environments, times of the year and situations that can open up the wound all over again. Some of these you can predict and some are thrust upon you so suddenly that you are brought to your knees in pain. Then after another period of time (and this amount of time varies from person to person, situation to situation) the wound will heal over again, a little bit more.

It is my understanding that this sort of wound never completely heals, but what I have been taught, by those who have walked this path before me – either as the wounded or as someone supporting them, is that over time we come to realise what sort of things open our wound and what we can do to bring about some sort of healing.

Are you new to Grief? If so be gentle with yourself and give yourself time, do not rush, take it moment by moment. Remain open to the possibility of some healing, but don’t force it, there is a time and season for everything.

Borrow the faith from those who have walked the path before you that some degree of healing is possible. Though it is important to remember – we are all human, so time will not take away this wound altogether. Instead you can learn new ways to live with it and to me, that constitutes a form of healing.

As the days, weeks and months go by we become more confident in knowing what works for us and become better able to tend to our own wound. So yes, do give yourself time, but also be mindful of what you choose to do with it, for therein lies our power in a situation that at first seems beyond our control.

Ultimately we are each responsible for our own healing, or at least being open to it. Nobody can do it for us. Time alone does not heal – it is what we do with our time that is important.

So what can you do with your time to bring about some sort of healing? I will be exploring this in an upcoming blog post.

Thank you for being with me

Growing through it – together.

Aishleen