5th May - the events of this day will be etched in my mind forever! You couldn't have predicted it!

3 years ago on 5th May 2017 was one of the most challenging, surreal, mind boggling, mix of ALL the emotions days that I have ever had!

Long story short Rónan was just 4 months old, he had been in hospital the entire time, and had been taken back to ICU on 2nd May as his oxygen requirements increased. On the exact same day Bronagh was admitted to the same hospital for the fourth time in as many months…

Thankfully her neurosurgeon was on Rónan's ward that day and I begged him to review her, her symptoms were not usual but because we knew this man from before she was born, he trusted our concern and sure enough, her shunt in her brain (for her hydrocephalus) was blocked. Fast forward to 5th May and while Bronagh was having her shunt surgery, we met with Rónan's medical, surgical and nursing team (the room was full!)

During the meeting Bronagh's neurosurgeon came to the door, of course we were in sheer panic, but he wanted to update us that the block was fixed, she was still in theatres and there had been some bleeding in the brain that they were observing, but she should be out to recovery soon.

Within this five minute period on 5th May 2017, our lives began to change, again - and reality as we knew it would be forever altered!

We returned to the meeting, but when we were out of the room the conversation must have taken a different direction. We returned to Rónan's medical team informing us that "The prenatal diagnosis was not wrong, Rónan has just exceeded all expectations"... You see, our little man wasn't expecting to survive beyond pregnancy, but he had other ideas… After many challenges, I thought we were on the home run, I thought we'd have him forever, we had even had a discharge meeting only weeks beforehand….

But now, they were telling us to prepare for him to pass away - any week, any day...So naturally I rejected this idea, my denial came in strong (I'm pretty sure Rónan was in denial too going by his crossed arms!) He had proved them wrong loads of times before. But as time would reveal…. The doctors were right on this occasion and this was the start of the most difficult 5 weeks of my life (up until that point anyway).

I remember the time I spent with all three of my children that day. I remember the conversations. The kisses, the cuddles, the cries. The rooms. The staff. The weather. I vividly remember that day starting and that day ending. 5th May 2017… I honestly don't know how I survived - but, like all of our "hardest days" we find a way through!

You see… we all get days that make us feel like we are imploding. Like our world has come crashing down around us. Like we cannot come through it… BUT we can and we are so much stronger than we would dare give ourselves credit for.

The toughest days in our life should be remembered, they should be etched in our minds as evidence of what we can do, of evidence of what we have overcome and that this will be a memory, or a date to later draw upon for a boost of confidence when our Mind tells us we can't get through! That's where we say -" yeah, thank you brain, but you've told me that before and I survived, so I'm going to survive this too…! "

xx Aishleen